I often wondered how people lived double lives for years...even had two different families without anyone ever knowing. I wondered if the wife -- I only say that because it's usually men with double lives. I guess it would be kind of hard for a woman to have children with two separate men. Might not be if the husband was serving military overseas, but then wouldn't the current children sell her out? Anyway....I always wondered if the wife was just oblivious or so self-absorbed, which would -- not necessarily absorb the fault of the marriage, but at least add to it; right?
What about those people that live minor double lives....like 1.5 lives? It has been quite easy, if I do say so myself. It isn't something that I'm necessarily proud of, but it seems to be a staple for my sanity. And it is definitely something that I've never shared fully with anyone...until now? Doesn't make much sense, does it?
I've wondered if it was my traumatic childhood. Is it my fear that someone will always leave me, so I stay one step ahead of the game. Always ready to leave them, keeping something on the back burner.
It would be crazy for me to say I don't love my family. My husband is amazing. Really, what woman doesn't want a man that would do ANYTHING for her....well, anything but make the children behave, and clean house and cook. But after putting that on paper (so-to-speak), isn't that the wife's job? Eh, maybe not.
So, as wonderful as my husband is and perfect as my children are (2 beautiful girls, one musically talented, one athletic, both insanely intelligent), why would i be found in the arms of other men? 2 literally, 5 possibly, and 1 electronically to be exact.
But let's break it down....1 -- let's call him Bobby -- is because I want to. He's older than I am; he's phenomenal in bed; he can have sex for hours; and he's big and muscular and can throw me around the bed like a sex-craved toy.
2 -- let's call him Al -- is out of necessity. Sort of happened because Bobby and I needed a cover. So, for "payment," he gets a small piece of the pie. He prefers blow jobs and he's super easy to please, and that takes care of my cover, small price to pay if you ask me.
The possible 5 (the two aforementioned).....3 is a friend of Bobby's. Let's call him John. John is just an option if Bobby and I ever decided to add a 3rd to the party.
4 is a guy that I took care of....hmmm, Joey. That works. Joey made a surprising confession after knowing him for 15 months, and what was that confession? That he wanted to do naughty things to me for a very long time, but he was so afraid to say anything because I was such a "good" girl, but he couldn't beat around the bush anymore....
5 is a precious, precious friend, Lance, that everyone seems to think we have something, but we never have. I love him like a brother, but I'm adding him for argument's sake.
And electronically is Matt. I've known Matt going on 4 years. We talk almost daily and there's never been anyone that made me doubt who I was to be married to, but him. There's a connection like none of I've ever seen, because I believe it's invented -- not real.
Did I mention that on top of all this, I'm considered a precious precious goody-goody? And a couple of years ago, I did a 4-year service in the church?
So, maybe double lives aren't so dramatic......
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